When Therapy Isn’t Helping (Yet) - Why Progress Can Feel So Slow

You’re not missing something.

Therapy isn’t failing - it’s just that weekly sessions can’t always reach what happens on Tuesday morning.

You’re Not Doing It Wrong

You’re responding to a nervous system, not a mindset.

If therapy for school refusal or anxiety isn’t helping yet, you’re not alone - progress can feel slow when the nervous system still feels unsafe.

Therapy is powerful, but for school-refusing or deeply anxious kids, it can’t do everything on its own - because recovery starts in the body before it reaches the brain.

Because anxiety doesn’t live in the logic part of the brain - it lives in the body.
And the body needs more than one hour a week to learn safety again.

The Space Between Sessions

Therapy sessions give insight, language, and hope.
But between appointments - that’s where healing actually happens.

When your child’s nervous system is still wired for danger, even the best therapist can’t override what happens at 7:45 a.m. on a school day.
That’s when your presence, your tone, and your calm nervous system become the teacher.

Therapy lays the foundation.
You build the bridge, one small, nervous-system-safe moment at a time.

Why It Feels Like “Nothing’s Working”

It’s easy to feel defeated when your child seems fine in therapy - but crumbles the next morning.

That doesn’t mean therapy isn’t helping. It means the safety learned in the session hasn’t yet transferred to real life.

Here’s why:

When a child’s body is still in alarm mode, the thinking brain (logic, coping skills, perspective-taking) can’t come online.
That’s biology, not behaviour.

So what looks like resistance is often protection.
Their system is still whispering, “I’m not ready yet.”

🌱 For more on what helps while you wait for therapy progress, read:

Why Just Be Consistent” Doesn’t Work for School Refusal; and

What Actually Makes Kids Feel Safe Enough to Go Back to School

What Actually Helps

Change comes faster - and lasts longer - when therapy works with the nervous system, not against it.

That means learning to:

• Co-regulate through calm presence instead of verbal reasoning.

• Reframe anxious moments as alarm, not attitude.

• Create micro-moments of success that build confidence gently.

Because before the brain can process reassurance, the body needs to feel safe.

Every time you meet alarm with safety instead of pressure, you’re rewiring that pattern.
You’re showing the body: “It’s safe now.”

You’re Not Failing. You’re Adapting.

When therapy feels slow, it’s not a lack of effort - it’s a nervous system still finding safety.

You’re not supposed to fix it overnight.
Every calm moment between sessions is a step forward.
That’s where the true work happens - quietly, in your kitchen, your car, your child’s bedroom floor.

And one day, all those small moments of safety will add up to something steady, sustainable, and new.

🧩 From Therapy to Toolkit

That’s exactly why I created the School Refusal Recovery Toolkit - to help parents bridge the gap between therapy sessions with calm, body-based strategies that actually work in daily life.

It’s grounded in psychology, research, and lived experience - for the days when you need support that doesn’t wait for the next appointment.

👉 Explore the School Refusal Recovery Toolkit to start rebuilding safety, one calm step at a time.